I joined the social network for A Chronic Voice because I needed to find people who understand what life is like with chronic pain. Today I have written a post using the January link-up prompts, to show my experience of living with a chronic pain disorder. Click here to find other blog posts from fellow chronic pain sufferers, or #spoonies as we call ourselves online.
I feel a bit lost right now, and I don’t know what I would purge given the choice. I wonder how much longer I can continue updating my blog when I don’t see a massive improvement in followers and page views. Maybe now is the time to reassess my activities and purge a few of the less productive ones. But then I am emotionally attached to my blog, so I can’t give it up just yet. Maybe there is something else I can purge in my life?
This word makes me think of “seizing the opportunity.” I have not been presented with any obvious opportunities at the moment, nor can I find a way to make them appear. I seem lost in a quagmire of sameness, desperate for change but unsure how to make that happen. Maybe I am seized with fear and I haven’t realized it yet. Perhaps I am simply being lazy, and my time will come when the season turns to Spring.
In terms of my chronic pain condition, opening my eyes has been both metaphorically and physically difficult. I have spent time in hospital with my youngest daughter with a query about her health that came about from a routine eye test. I had to explain all about my Lymphodoema Distichiasis to the pediatrician and nurse that treated us, and then it turned out to be completely unrelated to what I have. My congenital condition has apparently been watered right down in my children, and that is a huge relief.
The new year has brought with it a vague sense that I need to revamp my space. I am in the middle of stripping old wallpaper in my home, and I abandoned the job some time before Christmas, exhausted and beaten. My eyes cannot cope with the dust that is created during home improvement work, they hurt when I strain to concentrate on a task, and they hurt because I am tired. I need help, and I have asked for it.
My new year generally starts with grand ideas and visions for the future. This year I have had none of that. I have stumbled blindly into the new decade with a vague sense that something needs to change, but I don’t know what. Or rather, I do know what but I’m afraid to take that leap. I cannot envision anything changing in the near future, and I need to do something to make me feel happier. Hopefully a solution will present itself to me soon.
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