It occurred to me earlier that my life seems to revolve around ticking all the boxes at the moment. I mean, I looked at my 11 month-old daughter playing with her toys, and I ran through a mental check list: 1. Has she been fed? Check. 2. Has she had her milk? Check. 3. Has she had enough playtime? Check. 4. Has she got a clean nappy? Check. 5. Does she need a nap? Check. 6. Does she need more cuddles? Check.
And I wonder why I am exhausted! This check list runs on a repeat cycle all day, every day, and not just with her. I do a similar one with my 3 year-old, although of course the nappy is replaced with toilet visits, the milk with drinking water, etc. These are the things we take for-granted, and yet they are the core essentials for growing our human race. Alongside this I am desperately trying to develop my career, so that I can earn extra money to pay for family holidays, and for my own personal satisfaction and well-being.
Last week I wrote about feeling a sense of peace at last. This is true, but alongside that peaceful attitude is one of doing everyday jobs, and just doing what humans do naturally. Sometimes I look back on my day and wonder just what exactly I have been doing. Sometimes it is hard to see what takes up all my time, and why I can’t seem to find twenty minutes some days to write a bit of my latest novel. Then I realise, all those cuddles, games, washing and feeding my children actually do take time. You can’t just click your fingers and everything is done (unless you are Mary Poppins!) So now I allow the peaceful feeling to return, and I congratulate myself on doing a damned good job at being Mother.
Have a lovely weekend my friends!
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