How do you feel today? How did you feel yesterday?

I feel ok. Just ok. My mood has been all over the place recently. Some days I feel happy, cheerful and bouncy. Other days I feel a bit flat, uninterested in my daily routine, and I can’t be bothered to make an effort. Some days I feel like crying at the smallest occurrence. This is all perfectly natural in response to the pandemic and the ongoing lockdown restrictions that we are experiencing.

Some people might be feeling worse, and some might be coping better during the pandemic. I have been kept on the level with help from my friends and immediate family, always on hand with a joke, a smiling photograph, or a sympathetic ear on the phone. We take the opportunity to see each other outdoors when possible, and we remind ourselves that this is only temporary. Yes, it has been a long and difficult year, but we are getting through it and we are making progress.

I know that people are experiencing grief and loss, not just for family members and friends but for jobs, lifestyles and activities that have been shut down or have disappeared. We have all lost something due to coronavirus. My marriage finally collapsed following a lengthy period of unrest. The lockdown last year saw the end of it, and we are still trying to work out what happens next. I worry about the impact on our children, and there is nothing I can do right now to make it better or fix the problems. This is something beyond my control, and I spent months battling with the hopeless feelings that came as a result. I like to be proactive and get things done, yet in this most important aspect of my life, I failed. But right now, I don’t feel sad. I believe I have already grieved for my marriage during the course of the past year. Now I am ready to move on and try something new. What that is I don’t know, but I am open to whatever life has in store.

We need to be honest with ourselves. The overall mood in society has been one of getting on with life, making the best of a bad situation, and keeping a smile on our faces. That is far from the reality for many of us, shut away at home afraid to socialize, afraid to visit the supermarket, missing our physical activity, visits to the library and whatever else made us happy and kept our moods balanced. Many people are glad to have access to the internet, myself included, but there comes a point where you just want to be with people properly, not just via a screen. This is your safe space to be honest.

How do you feel as we approach the end of our third UK lockdown? What has changed in your life during the past twelve months?

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