This week I feel broken. There are many conflicting demands on my time at the moment, and I have had to let something lapse. That was my work. While I am desperate to continue building my freelance writing business, and growing the audience for my novels, I just cannot do it all alone, and I do not have the means to pay someone else. So it will have to wait, while I tend to more domestic challenges.
My marriage is struggling due to my husband’s mental health condition. I cannot do more to help, so now I am helpless. The demon is winning this particular battle. But I will not be defeated. And I will not back down. My children are ready for school to resume (or in the case of my youngest daughter, start). They enjoyed our family holiday, we have had days out with friends, caught up with people we haven’t seen for a while. Now we need to move on.
In a fortnight’s time, all of this will be just a distant memory. Nobody knows what will happen tomorrow. We might manifest that magical, elusive buyer for our house. My husband might suddenly and miraculously come to his senses and take control of his work/life (im)balance. I might land a lucrative freelance job that will both boost my self-confidence, give me a sense of purpose, and help to further my career. Or nothing could happen. We could simply stumble along, day after day, wondering when it will change. How is your summer?
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Our summer has been terrible too – ill health, financial problems, anxiety about ageing loved ones. You are not alone, hun, lift up your head and stand strong.
Thanks Caron, it is comforting to know that I am not alone. Our summer was mostly nice, so I am not complaining. I am merely being truthful. I trust that you are moving on with your challenges too.
I’ve had a good summer, but I have been there believe me. Sometimes it feels as if you are clinging on by your fingernails. Take care of yourself and give some priority to your own mental health (sometimes we forget when supporting others), even just allowing yourself a treat or break now and again.
I wonder if your husband sees his behaviour as supporting you? Small children are a scary responsibility! Hang in there, he sounds worth it!
Thank you Elaine. I am practicing self care right now while our children have sleepovers with their grandparents 😉
Yes, my husband does believe that working ridiculously long hours is supportive. He is focused only on money and career development at the moment. I am still here, hanging in there, despite common sense telling me to break free…
Take care lovely. Eventually common sense may have to prevail, but only you will know when. In the meantime remember you are an amazing person doing an amazing job with little recognition – childcare was always thus! But the rewards come. My children are grown and they do finally really appreciate what they had/have. X
Oh, I know that feeling! I appreciate my mum so much these days for everything that she has done and continues to do for me and my siblings 😊
Hang on in there – we only pass this way once, as far as I know. Someone once said to me that there are only 3 ways of tackling a problem: 1) Can you sort it out? 2) If you can’t sort it out can you live with it? 3) If you can’t sort it out or live with it, you need to change. That’s drastic – most people stick with stage 1 🙂
Thanks Mike! Yes, I am currently assessing what needs to be done, if anything. It could simply be the result of a long and challenging summer holiday with young children, with other factors making it seem worse. Ultimately, it is nothing that can’t be fixed! 😊
I’ve had a great summer, but, whilst no two situations are ever the same, I feel I have also, over the years, been in a dark place from time to time, feeling like I’m struggling to hold it all together. My children are now older (all in secondary school as of 6 September!) and I can say with confidence that when they are young, it can be easy to lose your sense of yourself. As mine are growing up, I feel I am getting that back and it does make things easier. For me anyway. Self-care is so important, as you seem already to have identified. Best wishes.
Thank you for commenting. Yes, I think it is the reality of life with young children that has hit me hard this summer, along with a few other factors. I am relieved to hear that the pressure will ease as they grow 🙂