I am currently six months pregnant with my second child. Having experienced a fairly easy pregnancy first time around, I was not at all concerned or anxious about doing it again. Yes, I had mild morning sickness, crazy mood swings, and I developed very painful sciatica and lower back pain. But it was all part of the process, and my daughter is a healthy and happy 2 year-old. I am only now beginning to realise that every pregnancy is different. I am having many of the same symptoms as before, but I also seem to have acquired a few quirky new ones.
One very obvious difference is that my belly has grown alarmingly fast in a short space of time. With my first pregnancy, many people weren’t even aware of my condition, until I started walking round with a baby in a pram! This time around, I began to show at around 10 weeks, and now I feel rather huge and very uncomfortable. My baby is incredibly active, which actually I enjoy. We haven’t found out the sex of the child, but I am convinced it’s a boy. It seems to be constantly wriggling and fidgeting, alternately kicking and punching me throughout the day. The experience is wonderful, despite my discomfort.
During the past few weeks I have developed another strange pregnancy symptom. I seem to have lost the ability and the motivation to carry out my daily tasks. Now this might sound strange, but the only way I can describe it is that my head feels like it is full of cotton wool. I find myself wandering aimlessly around the house or the supermarket, not sure what I am supposed to be doing. It is a very unnerving situation to be in! The worst part is that my Muse seems to have emigrated. I have been working on a new novel for the past six months or so, and I simply cannot seem to make progress with it. I have no idea where the story is heading, what needs to happen, or even why. I just keep attempting to write a few pages here and there, and hopefully it will begin to make sense eventually.
So there we are. I am a writer who is struggling to write, and I think it is because I am pregnant. For now I am trying not to dwell on the issue. Having another baby is something very special, and I love being pregnant, despite its quirks and discomforts. People close to me have suggested I should take a break, get some rest when I can, and simply stop being so hard on myself. I know they are right. But it is never that easy to take such sound advice, especially when I am the main carer for a lively toddler. I am hoping that if I maintain my blogs to keep the writing process active, my Muse will return in good time. For now at least, I have some editing to do, and I will take small steps to get back into the flow.
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