It is becoming increasingly apparent that I desperately need some me-time. Fellow parents, you will understand. I have been doing the ‘stay-at-home-mother’ thing for four years now, and I am finally cracking under the strain. There is only so long that you can go through life with a forced smile painted on your face, while your shoulders ache and your mind whirls with the stress of being a responsible, nurturing adult.
I need some self care. I need to take a lesson from the mothers of the generations above me. Many of them sacrificed their careers, their independence, and their physical and emotional health, in order to raise children. Many of my friends and peers are in the same situation as me. We all need to recognise when we need a break. It doesn’t make us weak. It doesn’t make us selfish. The last thing our children need, is to take the brunt of our anger when we lash out in sheer desperation after one more tantrum or spillage in the house.
I am determined not to become the screaming tyrant that lurks just beneath the surface of my calm exterior. It is, if you like, the Mr Hyde to my Doctor Jekyll. Split personality, hidden demons, call it what you will. It is real, and it can be very destructive if not properly dealt with. I cannot contain this crazy person inside of me. I don’t want to. I want to be happy and balanced. I want to feel at peace with my life choices, and know that I am giving my family everything that they need, and receiving it in return.
Of course, self care is an easy thing to preach about. When do we actually do it? I mean, my husband works long hours for five or six days every week. On his days off, we visit the family and take care of whatever jobs have cropped up. We share a car. Our families are busy. It is very difficult to schedule in the me-time. But, there is a way. And I will find it. I will! In the meantime, I will channel the rage through my writing…
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