When I first heard of the “cougar” trend, I found it quite amusing. Why label older women who want to date younger men? But then I thought about the fact that we label older men as “silver foxes” or “sugar daddies,” and I realised that maybe it’s not that bad. In fact, we are doing very well in modern society if we can finally accept and believe that older women might want to date people and (shock, horror) have sex! I wouldn’t like to think that when I get older, that’s it for my sex life. Assuming that I will still be with my husband, we definitely won’t succumb to the stereotype. Sorry, kids. And what if my husband and I grow distant and our marriage falls apart? I am a child of divorced parents, and his parents have had their fair share of marital trauma. People change and grow all the time, men and women, and we all need to understand our own needs and desires a little better. We also need to allow ourselves the time to explore and develop those needs and desires. My marriage has grown strong again thanks to my husband and I being totally honest with each other about what we want in our sex life. Let’s just say it isn’t exactly vanilla, and leave it at that…
Anyway, due to the nature of modern life, we find many older marriages breaking up as a result of illness or injury. If a woman is widowed in mid-life, who is to say that she shouldn’t have the opportunity to find love again when she feels ready? And where could she go to find that kind of relationship? When you have been happily married for most of your adult life, and perhaps you have adult children, you might feel a little uncomfortable going out in public with the specific aim of meeting someone for sex. That is why many women prefer to meet someone online, perhaps on senior dating sites over 60, so that they can chat and flirt and find out more about their prospective lover before they meet. After that, a public meeting should run smoothly, and romance should ensue, or at least a brief affair that leaves both individuals feeling happier, more fulfilled, and more confident about themselves. It can be a daunting experience to know that you must put yourself out there, so to speak, if you want to develop a new romantic relationship. When you have been used to the same person for so many years, in many cases for a quarter of a century of more, the thought of having to flirt with another man or woman can leave you feeling physically sick. It means you have to put your trust in other people, and if your divorce was traumatic, or you are widowed, then you really will struggle to find love again. But it can happen. It does happen.
I know quite a few women who got divorced after the age of 40, and some of these may have tried the online dating scene. A few have successfully found love with other people, and now feel much better than they did before. They were able to find that special someone who was on their wavelength, who matched their personality, who could give them everything they had been seeking for so long. It is possible to find love through online dating. Some women continue to use cougar dating sites to find new friends, partners and lovers. After all, it isn’t always just about sex. Yes, some women do have an active sex drive, just like some men do. Others simply need a companion. Some women find themselves being the only single person in a circle of married friends. All they need is a companion, a partner, someone to assist them at social gatherings and events. Some married women have husbands who are disabled through ill health or injury and are subsequently unable to fulfill certain aspects of their marital contract. I don’t really believe that a man or woman should neglect their personal well-being for the sake of their disabled partner, as long as they aren’t causing distress to anybody. We all need a little love and attention in our lives, or we waste away. Don’t you agree?
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