It is the season of Yule, a time of year when I am usually happy and excited for Christmas with my children. Unfortunately this Yule I am feeling emotional, angry and frustrated. This week we buried my uncle, who died at the age of 63 following a battle with cancer. I am blessed to be in a large and loving family, and it was great to spend time with my aunts, my uncle and my cousins again.

We celebrated the life of our uncle, brother and son, and we were thankful to be together. We are left to worry about the ill health of our grandparents, who outlived their son and are struggling every day. I know it is nature and they cannot live forever, but the little girl in me cannot face the changes that are to come. I am nostalgic for the good old days, and those childhood family Christmases full of chaos and joy.

A Not so Blessed Yule

Which brings me closer to home. Yule is a festival of change. We are celebrating the end of dark days and welcoming back the light as winter begins the descent. I have learned some big lessons about people and human nature during the past few weeks, and they leave a bitter taste in my mouth. Not everyone has the same attitude towards family that I do, and some that are closer to me have put a wedge between us that I feel will not be easily removed.

I feel that I need to move away from something that I have been clinging desperately to. I have to let go for my own sanity. But I don’t know how. For now all I can do is rest during the school Christmas holidays, and be cheerful for my daughters. They deserve a happy Christmas, and I will give it to them. Yule Blessings, my friends. May we all find our way through the dark days and welcome back the light.

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