Are you happily married? Have you experienced a happy marriage that broke down, or are you currently working on your marriage? I am somewhere between happily married and working on the marriage right now. It happens. My husband and I are two very independent people trying to fulfill our needs, and sometimes we disagree. He also has mental health challenges, namely anxiety and depression, and when the demons arise, boy do they cause trouble. I am a child of divorce, and so I was absolutely determined that when I got married it would be forever. I talked at length with my husband about this and he agreed, because while his parents are not divorced, they have come very close in the past. Both my husband and I agree that we must always fight for our marriage, no matter what happens. We accept that sometimes we both make mistakes, say the wrong thing, behave unkindly to each other.
We are only human. We are not perfect. I can be flighty and overly optimistic, whereas my husband is sometimes so realistic about our situation that it makes me feel depressed. Right now we are at odds because he is succumbing to his demons. I don’t know what goes on inside his brain, but I feel it is a very dark place, and I wouldn’t like to get inside it. But then it might help me clear a few things up. He refuses to communicate when he is in these moods. He shuts himself away at work and avoids dealing with our problems. I don’t want it to affect our children, but I am mindful that I say a lot of mean things about their dad, random throwaway comments, and I need to stop doing that. He is a brilliant father, and I want both him and our children to flourish together. But I also need him now to recognise the part he has to play in our marriage. I feel neglected and put upon, the classic downtrodden housewife. And I am not that person. I am a strong-willed, intelligent woman who just needs a little help around the house, a few holidays here and there, and a break from the drudgery of housework and childcare. Is that so much to ask?
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