Happy International Women’s Day! Are you celebrating the occasion or is it just any old day in your world? I am pondering what International Women’s Day means to me, and by extension, what it might mean to my daughters as they grow older.

I feel stuck. I don’t feel helpless, and I am not angry or resentful. I am simply aware that as a writer I am stuck in a situation that is beyond my control. For years I have tried to self-publish my novels and build a brand as an independent author. My readers still evade me. I have attended training courses on how to build my author brand, how to make my books appealing, how to build my business. I have done everything that I can do within my financial constraints. I am also continually submitting a new novel to literary agents in the vain hope that I might get selected one day, and that I might finally be able to connect with people that have access to the audience I crave. For now, I am shouting into the void and my voice is hoarse.

That leads to the big challenge for my husband and I: Do I give it all up and get a ‘proper job.’ I have been applying for jobs for most of my adult life. During my twenties while I worked in customer service just to pay the rent, I tried to get into the media industry. I applied (and interviewed) for graduate jobs, entry level jobs, mid-level jobs, anything that I felt I could competently do. I rarely made it past the application stage, and I don’t know why. And it is happening again now. I am currently applying for part-time jobs in my local area, and not a single person will even consider interviewing me. Am I unemployable? Am I now stuck in that icky grey area of “housewife moving into work” where I am deemed unsuitable due to lack of experience? Or is it because I have 12 years of freelance writing work on my CV and businesses don’t believe I am genuinely interested in their jobs? Perhaps I should rewrite my CV with some creative changes to my jobs and personal statement. It’s a thought.

But here’s the thing. I don’t want one of these part-time jobs. I want to be paid as a writer. I want my books to sell. I want a contract for books to be written, because I am a bloody good writer and I stand by that even if nobody else will give me a chance.

For me, International Women’s Day celebrates the women in our lives who never give up, who are proud of themselves no matter what. I am proud. My daughters see me as a positive role model and that is what I aspire to be. They already have a good sense of themselves and their place in the world, and they know how to take up space in what is still very much a patriarchal, backwards society.

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