We are now in the fourth week of lockdown here in England, and the monotony is beginning to wear me down.
I know I should be thankful for my health and the fact that my family members have so far escaped unscathed from Covid-19. My friends have not fared so well, with bereavement and serious illness scattered about, not to mention the economic stress from job uncertainty, redundancy etc. My problems seem insignificant by comparison. But that in itself is a problem. I am a single mother trying to build two small businesses by myself, trying to home educate two primary-age children, and trying to keep our family dog suitably exercised, and I am struggling. I cannot do everything.
I decided to film two short reiki meditation sessions on Facebook Live twice a day during lockdown. This is partly to keep in contact with potential clients and people who benefit from meditation and reiki healing therapy, but mostly it is to keep me in practice. If I don’t do these videos, I will not do my daily reiki meditation. They keep me focused, and I feel I have to answer to an invisible higher force, an ethereal boss if you will, rather than tell myself it doesn’t matter and I can do it tomorrow even though I know I will not.
It is proving a challenge to encourage my children with homeschool. They attend daily Zoom classes every morning, and they do their morning activity, but then they lose interest. I cannot make them complete the daily schedule of schoolwork, because I cannot sit with them all day. Never mind the fact that they are in two different year groups, working at different levels of schooling, but I have my own work to do. These blogs don’t write themselves, and for now I need income from affiliate blog posts and sponsored content, because I cannot earn a living as a reiki healing practitioner due to the pandemic and lockdown.
I suppose the truth here is that I am struggling. I don’t feel lonely as a single parent, but I do feel that I could use someone else to take on some of the burden of parenting. My husband is around, just not with us, either emotionally or physically. He has his own demons to battle. The one thing I am thankful for is that he brings enough income to keep us in a safe, warm home with food to eat and clothes to wear. But I need more than financial support right now. I need physical help. And that won’t happen during this lockdown, just like it didn’t happen during last year’s lockdown.
How are you managing this time around? Do you feel the same sense of moroseness and apathy? It is just boring, being stuck in this strange new world.
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