Why I don’t Want to Meditate

How long have we been in lockdown now? Six, seven weeks? I don’t know. I half-listen to the BBC news updates on radio and sometimes on the TV, but I haven’t found time to sit and read any online articles. Yes, you heard me, I do not have time to read the news these days! Lockdown life is exhausting, and I am currently feeling lost because I should be working on my 3rd Degree Reiki Masters course, but I am not doing the coursework. I have books to read on the subject, I should be keeping a diary of my daily experiences, and most importantly I should be practising daily meditation for at least 20 minutes per day, ideally more. I just can’t do it. My children have been home with me 24/7 since 23rd March, my husband is out at work for six days of the week, and when he is at home, he is either asleep or on his work laptop. I am lonely. I am bereft of the connections with my friends. It’s just not the same over Zoom! I miss my mum terribly, and she’s not a fan of video calling so we haven’t seen each other properly since my grandad’s funeral in March.

Why I don't Want to Meditate

None of this is a reasonable excuse for not meditating, but I’m not writing this blog post to make excuses. I have heard all sorts of inspirational stories from people on social media, claiming to be doing all kinds of fantastic things from home during lockdown. Some are raising money for charity. Some are making PPE for healthcare workers. Some are still working and keeping our country ticking over. I am home with the children and failing miserably at getting them to study their schoolwork. I have managed to do some decorating that I’ve been working on since last September, and for now that is more important to me than meditating. I still practise reiki every day because it is a habit. I just don’t sit down and specifically study for my coursework requirements. It’s not a priority for me, and that’s ok. When I have finished the decorating and my house is in better order, perhaps I will feel more inspired to work. Right now I’m just treading water, keeping my children fed and clean, making sure the dog has some attention, trying to get through lockdown one day at a time. How are you managing this challenging time? It’s OK to say you are struggling. We are only human. We will kick and scream and cry when it gets too much. Then we carry on. I wish you well, my friends.

Meditation @SpookyMrsGreen

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About SpookyMrsGreen

SpookyMrsGreen: The Pagan Housewife. Mindful parenting and modern pagan lifestyle. Join our tribe now! https://www.subscribepage.com/SpookyMrsGreen
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7 Responses to Why I don’t Want to Meditate

  1. Anca says:

    It seems like you don’t have time to meditate, but would if you could. People react in a different way to lockdown. I need to be constantly busy or I get very stressed about the situation. I’m still working, although less now, studying for University, cooking from scratch most days, reading, working out, and, more recently, renovating too. But I need all these activities for my mental health. You shouldn’t feel pressure to do what other people are doing, just because you cope with the lockdown in a different way.

  2. Decorating and looking after kids and a dog must take a lot of time and energy – I’m not surprised you don’t want to meditate! There are things I could and should be doing that aren’t getting done, but I’ve been feeling unmotivated for some time now. Since the lockdown, all I’ve done is read books and walk the dog I’m fostering. Mind you, he’s a bit of a handful!

  3. bone&silver says:

    I’m blessed: having a great time staying home among the trees, no kids or pets to hassle me, & not many work restraints either. I’m too lucky 😬

  4. Damyanti Biswas says:

    Things have been really crazy for all of us. I am sure you will get to it.

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